A recent study has found that single women are generally happier than single men in their singlehood. Here’s what relationship experts had to say.
As many couples celebrate Valentine’s Day, a recent study has found that single women are generally happier than single men.
The research, published in Social Psychological and Personality Science, examined data from nearly 6,000 single adults, who identified as men and women and with a small portion identifying as non-binary.
The participants completed a survey that asked about four key areas: satisfaction with current relationship status, satisfaction with life overall, sexual satisfaction and their desire for a partner.
The study found that women reported higher levels of life satisfaction and well-being compared to their male counterparts.
“At a broader level, our findings appear to run counter to existing stereotypes regarding women as the uniquely unhappy gender in singlehood,” the study said.
Michelle Garraway, CEO of the Relationship Agency and social worker, told CTVNews.ca the findings of the study came as no surprise, as it aligns with what she sees in practice.
“I see single women come to therapy because they want to understand themselves. They want to work on themselves. They want to find peace in their lives, whereas men don’t come as often,” Garraway said.
Tracy Dalgleish, a clinical psychologist and couples’ therapist, echoed seeing similar things in practice.
“Women are doing more work around healing themselves, while many of them end up feeling that they’re having to be a coach or therapist to their male partners,” Dalgleish told CTVNews.ca
The study also found single women are more sexually fulfilled than single men.
Authors of the study analyzed age and ethnicity in the context of gender. They found older single men to be happier than younger single men, and referenced existing research that shows that people tend to be happier with their long-term singlehood after 40.
Why are single women happier?
Researchers identified several reasons why single women tend to report higher levels of happiness.
One key factor is that women often maintain strong friendships and close connections. Singles reported non-romantic social support as a key aspect to their well-being in singlehood, the study said.
Dalgleish says that early on, girls focus on connection and building friendships, while boys focus on autonomy and individuation like sports and mastering tasks.
“Even just coping in general, we would see that women tend to reach outward to social connection, whereas men tend to turn inwards into shutting down and avoidance,” she suggested.
Despite not having a strong social network, developing the skills for emotional independence – understanding your emotions and tolerating the distress that comes with it – means you’re more likely to have higher life satisfaction, says Garraway.
“Our culture hasn’t raised men to value that as a skill,” she explained. “In many ways they’ve been punished for it. They don’t have the same skill that women have to access, understand emotion, tolerate it, process it, turn inwards, and then ride through with it.”
An evolving society
According to Garraway, society has evolved to a place where heterosexual relationship seems to benefit women less compared to men.
The study made it clear that single women’s contentment with their singlehood may be linked to the inequalities within a heterosexual relationship, as household labour is divided unequally, and women’s sexual pleasure is not prioritized.
This leads to more rewards for men and more costs for women in partnerships, the study said.
Dalgleish says partner expectations versus reality may also deter people from getting into relationships.
“What we’re seeing in the social media context is that we talk about how people are looking for a partner who has healed their early childhood wounds, or they’re emotionally intelligent, or they’re able to communicate in a certain way,” she said.
Dalgleish also says expectations around financial and housing stability may prove to be challenging as we are in one of the hardest times for adults to have stability in all these areas.
“We see a lot of women tapping into their autonomy and having that independence around financial freedom, around making their own choices around careers,” she said.
When women try to look for someone who has all these things, Dalgleish says the reality is that it’s not possible.
Garraway also pointed out that relationships and long-term partnerships like marriage served a particular purpose. However society has evolved significantly, and it no longer serves that purpose.
“There’s so much learning to do,” she said. “The majority of men, unfortunately, haven’t taken in a true understanding of how much labour falls on women in order to be in a relationship, and so they can’t make the change,” she added.
Dalgleish said women tend to tap into “exhaustion” because they’re carrying also “invisible labour” – the cognitive and mental load.
Tips for singles
For those who struggle with singlehood, Dalgleish recommends tuning into what is meaningful to you.
“When we’re not satisfied in a part of our life, we focus only on that area,” she said. “Instead, to have a fulfilling life, we want to focus on all of our different values that bring us meaning.”
Those areas include contributing to things outside of yourself or personal development and self growth. Dalgleish adds that humans are not meant to live in silos and be disconnected from others.
“Connection with others can look all different ways, whether it’s with a partner or also if it’s with a significant friend group or community,” she said. “Think of people connected with their church, volunteer experiences or other activities.”
Garraway says being single is less laborious in some ways.
“If you want to have a quality relationship, it’s going to take effort. You have to actively put energy into that,” she said.
Singlehood gives the opportunity to internal work and discover different parts of yourself, according to Garraway.
“My advice is always build the life that you want to live because then two things happen. First of all, you’re already living that life that you’re dreaming about. Secondly, if you do want a relationship, you’re more likely to find and attract the type of partner that you want because you’re living the type of life that you imagine yourself living with that partner,” Garraway said.
Limitations
The study noted that a small portion of nonbinary individuals participated in the survey which limited the study’s sampling. The data came mostly from participants who were white, heterosexual and the average age was 31.
The data also did not capture the marital histories of singles like whether singles were widowed, divorced or never married.
